a plethera of bliss

A tip for all men who are preparing a meal for their lovey on the most significant of sappy days. The espaniolian culture refers to it is as el valintino fiesta...mostly celebrated by single seniors. What? Right, okie dokie, the tip:

make a meal that requires ketchup (kraft dinner, hot dogs, grilled cheese, meat loaf)
share a plate of HEART shaped catsup (we are multi-diversitized)

please note: the use of candles is SOOOO last year. we suggest a dozen fake flowers with the 'eternal dew' (of glue).

Here are some ideas of how to behave on this special night.

1. Cry profusely at any given moment, most moments in fact.

2. Stare until the awkward moment passes. (it WILL pass, just give it time. Don't break eye contact at all costs. Beleive us, it will be well worth your while.)

3. Inturrupt with uncontrolable sighs every time she tries to speak...showing that she takes your breath away with every glance. This can be applied to number 1 and 2.

4. bring food to mouth ever so slowly. Thus prolonging the evening, and your love.

5. Every fifteen minutes (keep exact intervals, a stop watch may be necessary), thrust your hand accross the table and swip her face...tell her she is lovely like a dove. The forehead is a the recommended target. BUT! If you are to miss, just change the phrase 'you are lovely like a dove' to 'you are the air I breath' followed by a DEEP inhaling of oxygen. A symbolic visual will enhance your statement, in fact, the more visuals, the more enhancement.

6. Spontanious singing between appetizer, dinner and dessert. Beat boxing is also acceptable. If you are stuck for ideas, looking at the french writing on labels of food and putting them to the music of your heart will melt her soul. Shakespearian language (or that King James) is also recommended if you fear mispronounciation.

7. Instead of a violinist, purchase a karaoke machine and kindly, gently, request that she partake in a song. This will show that you are not only inclusive, but you are entertainable.

8. Preach a sermon, with an appropriate altar call. She will be hooked to your 'passion for Jesus', if she is not saved, this may be useful as well. Keep in mind, the sermon should not override the fifteen minute intervals. Girls like consistency, and throwing off your schedual would destroy any chance of a second gathering.

9. Hopefully you have hired a waiter so as to not break eye contact. Now, you should prearrange that this waiter take an unpleasant spill, resulting in you reviving him. If you have not made these prearrangements, stick your foot out at the most of opportune moments. She must witness your heroic abilities. (warning: if waiter gets up and accuses you of any wrong doing, simply suggest that her stunning beauty has caused him to stumble. Literally)

congratulations, if the previous has been successfully acomplished, she is now primed and ready for THE BIG ONE. (or the big ten, depending how you look at it.)

10. Get down on one knee, and talk for up to fifteen minutes (your stop watch will be handy yet again), about her importance to you emotionally, spiritually, and most importantly...economically. When her tear stained face is prepared to utter a response, hold your index finger up to her lips, and quiet her down to soak in the moment. Feel free to leave your finger there for as long as you see fit. Make the appropriate 'shhhhh'. When the silence gives way, simply say 'don't take this too seriously, it is likley the wine talking. I wuv you...' at this moment we suggest a collapse into her bossom.


Thanks this has been another blog from the Bananas in Pajamas.