Rand McNally

WARNING: What you are about to read is depressing, and slightly dramatic. Please understand that this is a roller coaster ride you may not wish to get on, seeing as the turns are unpredictable and the hills may appear larger than they actually are. I thank you for any support that you wish to extend, but be aware that the way I am feeling today, will likely NOT be the way I feel tomorrow. Thanks.


This morning I woke up at 3:44 in the afternoon. Yes, I slept in. That is not a problem, right? Well, consider this: I have been sleeping in until at least 2:27 in the afternoon every day since the day after the day after new years. That was not a typo. They say that sleeping too much is a sign of depression. I feel like a hobo. Let's see...

A Hobo is generally:

-unemployed
-depressed
-has no money
-no friends
-dirty
-lazy
-unless they are insane, they don't have much of a spiritual side

Me:
-unemployed
-no money (wait...I do have 700 dollars in my bank account! Hold that up to the 9500 dollar debt from my car...and I am 8800 in the hole!!)
-signs of depression (bad attitude, draw to alcohol, sleeps a lot, writes dark poetry)
-lack of meaningful friendships (basically I am just lazy with my friends. I could care less if I see them or not ATM...except for a select two)
-I had two showers last week. Compare that to the shower every day I had two months ago...and that is one stinky situation!
-lazy...hmmm...well...i will get to that in a minute.
-God and me...let's just say...we are not in any sort of honey moon stage. We have not broken up or anything, but the silent treatment is really wearing thin.

I have two goals this year. Lose weight, make money.

If you have read some of my past posts, you can slightly understand that I HATE being materialistic. I hate living for the world. I have been pushed into spending this year doing the two things that make this world pathetic!!!

The weight thing is ok. I mean, temple of the H.S and what not. But after Christmas, I am pretty much back where I started. That means that I spent two months losing 8 inches, eating CRAP and working my ASS off...literally...and I gained it ALL back plus interest...in FIVE DAYS. So if I were to lose all the weight I want to lose, I could potentially gain it back in no time at all?!?!!?! That is no fair deal my friends. No fair deal at all!!!

I hate money.

Basically I woke up this morning and decided to be depressed. I decided to fight for my rights with the parentals and lost. I decided to ignore the slight push I felt to go to my room, shut the door, and listen to God. I decided to leave my dishes on the counter to piss off my mother. I decided to sit down and write about my depressing lifestyle on this blog.

The bottom line is, my mother was right. I am wasting away up here. I am makeing a bunch of choices that are breaking my life. It is not the area I am living in, it is the attitude mostly. Grrr...I hate when parents are right. I hate it when anyone but me is right. I think I just need some Jesus. Badly. Really badly.

Also, I need some job and future career ideas. I need a job that changes all the time, and where I can use a bunch of my talents. I love people, I love art, I love administration, I love cooking, I love event planning, I love writting, I love lots of stuff that I am not credited to do...hmmm...

now I am babbleing.

I will post when there is some dramatic news, or an intense mood change.

Don't worry about me, and I won't worry about me.
whatever that means.

Thanks for reading. I'll be back.
Bethany Dawn