it looses the affect when they sing in spanish...

10:23:14

Dallas is drinking a bottle of 1/2 calorie snapple. Nectarine white tea to be precise. Laura says she is comming to the school of ministry. You spelled coming wrong. You spelled spelled wrong. What the ? What the fffff? Fudge. snicker snicker. I didn't snicker. snicker snicker. What the ?

Well when are we going to see The Office. They don't understand me and I don't understand them. I started an underground house church movement led by Irene Slade of the third Hamilton devision. Yes. Irene can't make it out. Can't make it all to often. snicker snicker. Can't make it at all actually. boyish laughter. Look at mr. blondie here. I am hot eh? Hot stuff. Am I hot Bethany...oh shoot. Oh my gosh, the heat...woooh. I was thinking, the girls won't be able to keep their hands off me at the school. I am going to grow a mullet. We will grow mullets together in unison. I want to grow hair like Irene. I want to lose hair like Gord. Oh don't even go there. Did you hear John got his ears cut. His hairs. Dude that is so retarded. Yeeeaaahhh. Oh...Marina. I am going to marry an American girl. Amrica. snicker snicker. okay, snicker is a chocolate bar, not a laughter sounds. Sean, whatever I can do let me know. I feel so bad. I am not getting paid, so...

I said well hey! Over Lords..haha. Meeting after meeting, for years did they meet. Man I feel stoned. I feel so out of it. One fifth of my country blah blah blah. None of it, shake your borialis. Spelled it wrong. All the Inuits say gota gotabota mota gobta gota. That is the best part. Sean, I can help. How is the training going? I love Jason, he will do good once he gets the hang of it. Once you start talking about evangelism he loses it, he is gone. It is okay though...ah damn. Sean, you know who you remind me of when you were walking down the thing...DILBERT...if you were wearing a red tie, and a white shirt...AH MAN. So we will be friends in the school of ministry okay. Okay, I will do it every day, for worship. I heard some hershey squirts going on. Hershey...H E R S H E Y..hey, you are leaving out false information. Is Beck going to read it now? I lost you again Sean.

10:36:17

back to the drawing board

I was thinking about marriage today. I have decided, until further evidence comes my way, that marriage is completly in our hands, much like our destiny. Sure! God may offer us some suggestions (not unlike a prophetic word) but ultimatly, we have free will.

A friend once asked me if I thought there was only one person 'out there' for everybody. In my head, I thought, 'well, that depends on how big you think God is; how involved do you really believe he is in our lives.' I just answered no.

It became a bitter nagging at the back of my mind. How much DOES God care, is he going to bring along my husband, and POOF, we are in love?! Paul even suggests that we never marry, due to it's endless need for attention, a potential distraction from God. Debbi says that marriage is one of the most selfish things on the planet (although I believe the opposite).

I guess it is just one of those things. When I get to heaven, I will just walk straight up to God and ask him..."Lord, did you really mean for me to betroth ___________________(to be announced)?
I guess the past few months have been trying for me. I have been surrounded by people at work and at home who's marriages have failed, or, even worse, have fallen into some sort of a hateful silence. Have I mentioned that silence in a marriage is one of my biggest fears? There is NO WAY that we can fully know another person, so there is no excuse to pretend that there is nothing another person can say to interest you...you married them; and hopefully it was for more than their bootylicious ass. Don't get me wrong, silence is a need...but eternal silence, neverending mind wars, looking all over the room to avoid eye contact...that is my hell! My parents are doing the best they can for some couples, but I know a lot of them will go home, and fall back into their depressing habits. I guess I am just losing hope in the area of relationships.

I know in my heart of hearts that I will be SO happy, and in love with a male...some male...out there. But when? When I am thin...sigh...it was my first thought. It is not just a world standard. It is a guy standard...

UNGODLY BELIEF 101 - book me
Bethany Critchley
Penetanguishene Ontario

Can anybody say Pity Party. Don't worry, you are not invited.

Subject change-
I have not sung for over a year. It is killing me. I may not be the best singer in the world, but it makes me happy. It is like having a paint brush violently riped out of the hands of a painter, or the scissors out of the grip of a hairdresser, or a little red fire truck kicked accross the floor so hard that the ladders goes flying off the top of it. And I am little Jonny, trying his best not to cry about something so pathetic...it was pathetic Jonny, but it made you happy. So go grab your daddy's super glue, and glue that ladder back on! And you play, you play until you just can't play any more!

I really want to sing.

Well, I think it is time for me to go to bed. I have a very long, and emotionally tiring day tomorrow.

There is a love
B

Lights will guide you home...

these are the lyrics of my new favourite song. I love it, it makes me SO happy every time I hear it! It is definatly a coldplay song, and if you want to know what song it is exactly, then go ahead and buy the cd...figure it out yo. Seriously, buy the cd, it rocks. It really really really rocks.

I, for the past two weeks, have been undergoing a certian 'bowel cleansing'. Yes! I have to drink this really nasty fiber stuff, but if you mix it with molassas it tastes like cream of wheat. I am SO tired. Just got off a super long shift at work. I am not lying to you, no I am not.

Blossom has fleas. Ew. She is wearing a flea collar at this moment, but the continueous bitting suggests it is not helping. Is it just me, or is my spelling SUPER bad today?! You are right, it is not...not just today.

I have decided officially that God must want me to be overweight FOREVER! For the past month, two weeks hardcore, I have been eating SO well. I mean, the only carbs I eat are from fruits and veggies...I eat small portions, I don't drink coffee or tea or hot chocolate, or juice. I drink SOOOOOO much water, I run on the tredmill every other day...that is right...I run. I stand on my feet all freaking day at work...and now...a month into it...

Gained five pounds.

HELLO!? Is this not weird to anyone but me. Debbi, my friend from work, said yesterday out of nowhere that I am not meant to live by the standards of the world. She said exactly 'Bethany, you were never meant to go by the standards of the world...skinny is a world standard. Just as God what his standard for health is! It hit me, my heart goal was to be skinny, not healthy. I repented...I used to always say I could be overweight for the rest of my life if I could just be healthy...I feel way better than I used to...but...it all goes to shit when your pants get tighter. I honestly hate this. I just want to do my part in taking up less freaking space on the planet we are obligated to live on. Is that a crime?

HEAVEN! I long for it. I have been homesick for it for a couple days. I am getting into this semi-depressing thoght pattern of the meaninglessness of earth...and our lives on it. I want to be close to God...rather...closer to God. I guess it is from my lack of a 'social' life. I have a lot of people around me, but I realized recently, I don't 'need' them. I am content. I am content with God alone...and that is a good place to be.

Okay, my dog has RANCID gas, I have to leave the room instantly.