mercy forever

Okay, Fresh Wind...it was better than last year. Perhaps it is just because this year I actually took the time to listen to what was being said. It was pretty neat. My highlights was the night Jay spoke, it just kind of gave me hope. I feel very similar to things as him, and to see that he has made it in his calling and stuff even though he feels the way he does...it was just cool.
I am in a very strange mood today, but that is okay. God is doing something neat. I hope.

Bored.
No.

I am in Toronto right now. Staying at the Poulsens again. It is pretty cool, but I am in such a foriegn place emotionally that I don't really know how I feel . I have so many places and options and blah...I don't know what is going to happen. It is refreshing in a way. Actually, it kind of feels like there is a storm warning out...actually...a wind warning. And it is exciting...but there is potential rank smells on their ways...but it could be like flowers. HA. I am great.

K..I am going to go cuz I am not in the mood for this any longer. I shall continue my blogation later. Audios
...videos

Kisses and Hugs to all who want them in a platonic way!

it's not MY issue

Hello dear friends,

It has come to my attention (after a series of thoughts and ponderings, even thought what I previously stated is redundant) that people are looking for where God intends them to be at moments of their lives and what not. Well, I have previously bloged about our ultimate callings in life...I have all the same been wondering, or pondering, or thinking, or all of them at once concidering they mean EXACTLY the same thing, what would Jesus do.

The answer...live. Jesus lived never knowing where his next meal would come from, never knowing where he would sleep that night, or how he was going to pay for his cell bill. He knew his job was to bring humanity's attention to the father...I mean...the Father. Sorry, don't want to disrespect that big guy. I have been going crazy in my mind over all this 'having a goal for your life' deal. I have been needlessly stressed about where I should move to make God happy (I can't MAKE God happy, I am sure even He has good boundries). I keep reminding myself that He really could care less. It is all about my lifestyle. Where I live just does not matter...but how am I spending my time?

Okay, I feel myself starting to get on a train of thought (or scooter if you will) that I just don't want to be on. Sory to leave you hanging, but I just don't want to finish those wonderings.

Here is a revelation that I had. Jesus and John the Baptist. They were like bossom buddies. Did I spell that right? Who cares...if you do...that is just sad. So...Jesus and John knew eachother in the womb, they were SO close that Jesus would even give up his life for him...(that was a joke...a completely UN-humorous one) (pity laugh...that is what I need). So. John dies. The closest friend and relative of Jesus, and he is SO sad. It actually says that Jesus wanted to be alone. Wouldn't you? So then, your best friend dies, you want to be alone, and then this SWARM of people flock to you and are craving attention for their stupid little issues...and guess what He does. He takes out a machiene gun and blows all their brains out. Yes. I relate to him. When I read that, I was like 'here is a man who is totally down to earth. So real. In every way. If you read farther, you will see that he is later sentanced to a life in prision, and He starts some weird suicide cult and everyone dies.

NO!

I lied. Forgive me. What actually happens...it says, Jesus felt compassion for the people and went to them. These people who NEVER get off his back...one of the only times He ever wanted to be alone, and He turns around and goes to them. It blows my mind. He 'felt compassion' for them. Oh my gosh...I don't even think I am putting this into words in the way it should be!? Did that even make grammatical sense? Does that even matter right now? NO! (so negative...I have already said that once!)

Sigh...it is beyond me. I just love Him so much.

Okay, I need to go watch a movie.

I lied yet again...a movie is not a need...simply a want.

Muchos Love

don't be trippin' yo!

What a wonderful sunny day outside! Alright. Just a sec, I need a bagel!

Ahhh...sweet bliss. That hit the spot just right. One side with cream cheese, the other with nutella. One thing I may change in the future is putting the cream cheese on the seseame side...yes...oh glorious improvements.

Okay, I am going on a road trip. It has changed dramatically in the past week. We were going to go to New Brunswick...but we would only be there for one day (the drive non-inclusive) (as if that made sense) (it did, it is just not commonly spoken in that format) (these brackets are SO three blogs ago!). So it has been decided that it just is not worth it finacially. We have therefore decided to drive somewhere...get lost, and rent a hotel room for the night in some random destination. It shall be an adventure, and it works out this way. It just 'feels' right.

Fresh Wind. Woot. I get to work the customer service area of things. Which is good and bad at the same time. It is SO bad cuz it is boring. It is good cuz I don't have to pay to get in. YAY! Freedom, litterally.

I hope God comes to Fresh Wind, that is always greater than not.

It is my last day of work tomorrow at subway. I have agreed to go out with some people after work. It may be wonderful. It may be strange. I told them that we all have nothing to relate to outside of work, and there may be much silence...like that of the lambs...yet not. It will be odd, but I shall plow through it, like the Lord did with his oxen and sheep?

K. I must visit work to not volenteer...but to get paid...because of my employment.

Oh yeah, I spent the other night watching 16 hours of the OC with some friends of mine...their names have been mentioned before on this very blog...the same one I am writing now...the very similar one. Uhhh...K. The point is, that when they left, I watched four hours of it again...oh the very very sad life I live. But it is splendiforus. It totally is. I am in deep love with the shirts of Seth, and because shirts make a man, I love Seth...WHAT? What...ever.

Peace out Peeps a the homi g clusta. Chat it up dawg style lay-ta yo!

the not so magical dragon

Okay, here is the deal
I am not one to hide myself. I pretty much let everyone know what I am thinking an doing all the time. I hate keeping things all locked up and what not. Plus, I HATE being fake. It is not much of a mystery to people that I STRONGLY dislike religion, and religious behavior. It is like a crazy chain that keeps you from fully understanding God. I don't know. Anyway, here is the issue.

Someone recently found out that I had a ciggarette and they were so angry. I was so hurt, because that particular person totally lost whatever respect that they had for me, and pretty much rejected me as someone who was/is close to God.
I hate that so much. Whenever (GENERALIZATION WARNING) any christian finds any 'issue' with another christain it becomes their holy business to correct them. This person had NO authority over me whatsoever, and it is not like they were perfect either.

Bitterness. Probably.

Okay, so here is the real deal. Not that that was not real, for it was.

I am totally one hundred percent open to correction, and I want nothing more than to live a righteous life for God. I have been thinking for a long time about the issue of smoking though. Not that I have any desire to be a chain smoker for the rest of my life...not to any degree actually. But just to know, so I can be 100 percent on where I stand. I don't want to do anything because a system tells me to. I want to know why its bad so I can tell other people...I dont do it cuz of blah blah blah...instead of saying...i don't do it cuz i am not supposed to. That just feels stupid to me.

So, I have done some research to help myself out. Here is what I found out.

Item 1.

One cup of coffee a day
or
One pop a week
or
One McDonalds Hamburger a month

will do more damage to you thank smoking a pack of smokes a day for ten years straight. I was told this from a doctor. A good one. One that I trust.

So that kind of blew the temple of the holy spirit thing out of the water. I mean, we should all purify our bodies as well as our spirits, but don't even think about using that as an excuse to tear someone down for smoking unless you are willing to give those other things up.

Item 2.

Smoking can change your attitude and it is addictive

Anything can change your attitude if you let it. Attitude is a concious decision. And the addictive part, biting your nails is addictive. Coffee is addictive. Pain killers, and anti depressents are addictive. This does not make smoking any better or worse than those things...sin is sin. But are you prepared to give those things up? If you don't drink coffee or take pills...then what are you addicted too. I think most people are addicted to something.

Item 3.

Your motives could be bad.

Well. True enough. But your motives could be nothing more than the fact that you like to do it. You crave chocolate...you crave smoking. I do agree that if you start smoking to make a point that you are rebelling and want people to see it, that could be ultimatly damaging to your spirit. But that is not the smokes, people make their points by doing lots of stuff...drinking, cutting, isolation...to name a few. The smokes are an outlet...the rebellion is the issue.

Okay, let me know what you think. I am not trying to justify anything that I have done. I am simply trying to make sure I know where I stand, especially cuz I think I will work with youth one day. I never want to make rules just to have them. I love rules, when there is a clear reason why they are there. Isn't it so annoying when your parents tell you you cant do something, and then you ask why and they just say 'i am the parent, i dont have to have a reason'. In other words 'i am having a power trip, there is no real reason except to keep you on your toes.'

Oki doke. I shall await your responses. And I will blog further on this issue as new light falls upon it via conversations with authority and friends.

Thank you come again

lack of camels

Okay, there is a SERIOUS lack of camels in North America. I mean, think of it...they don't need much fuel...and if you don't like someone, you can get your camel to spit on them, and you will not get charged. I can understand the camels not particularly enjoying the FREEZE of Norther Canada, but heck, what about Florida, or California.

Speaking of California, the idea of camels came up all on my own. It was not suggested by anyone...for only I have a brain to think of such a mess. Yes, no person...especially a person kicked out of our neighbouring country...aided in the idea of such a topic.

WHAT?

Yet again, for the millionth time...I lost myself.

Okay, another thing to add to this insane in the membrain blog of mine...the I on my keyboard fell of. Yes, it is rediculously annoying. I think I will stop using the I for I am quite bugged about the I.

WHAT?

Clearly my last request on my last blog for more comments just did not work with you all. I shall now attempt reverse psycology. DO NOT UNDER ANY CERCUMSTANCE LEAVE A COMMENT ON MY BLOG. Thanks

I am bored, but I have to drive elijahs friend home. GRRRRR...

In the words of my hero...

Peath out.

uhhh...in white that means bye.

contradiction 101

Hello friends,

well, here is another entry from me. I know...what a fricking suprise right. Anywho...I just thought I would add in my last journal entry cuz i find it interesting. It is not a poem or anything, i was just writing my thoughts to God...they are as follows:

Intelligence is to admit first that you know nothing.
Well, I don't know much, but I do know that I love you.

You leave me speechless,
but I have so much to say,
and every breath I take is in you,
yet I am breathless.

Oh Prince of Peace
Oh God of Rest,
how can I serve you better?
And what must I do
For your unconditional love.

With Your still small voice
You move mountians
and create thunder.

My father, you carry me
as I walk this narrow road.
Jesus you saved me,
please help me through this storm.

I love you more than life itself,
but I am so caught up in living.

You lead me beside still waters,
yea though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

I shall not fear my enemy,
For I shall fear the one I love.

So there you have it. Just a bunch of stuff I had been thinking about. I just love making things that are so simple a little more complex. Whatever. Uhhh...yeah. Another thing I was thinking about today is how most christians are so preoccupied with their 'calling'. You know what I mean, that AMAZING thing that God has for each indevidual person. I had a bit of a revelation...we all have to same calling. Jesus gave us two commandments. Only two...they are the ultimate callings, and if they are fufilled...then we are also? Riiiight. Here is the deal, He told us to love God with our heart, mind, body and soul, and to love our neighbour as ourselves. So I guess In a way, that is three commandments. Love God, Love ourselves, and Love others as ourselves. That is a lifetime goal. I was just noticing that there are so many people who believe that they are walking in 'what the Lord has for them' but they are not truely understanding destiny. I don't really know how to put this all in to words, so I hope this is making sense. I have just decided for myself to TRY and focus of my ultimate calling, before I start asking God 'where I am going'. Sounds good, moving on.

I quit my job today. And it was great.

I don't know what it is with all these guys suddenly 'asking me out'. It is kind of weird, that has never happened to me in my entire life. So far it has been like four in less than a week. Today it was this 400 pound guy who has never said a word to anyone at subway except for extra mayo and southwest please...and he started to get really emotional when he found out I quit. Then he asked me out...HE IS LIKE THIRTY!!! I laughed cuz I thought he was joking...but it turns out he wasn't. I think I should stop laughing every time it happens, but I guess I am a little insecure still and don't believe a guy is taking interest. Wow, hello personal.

Yesterday my mother told me to narrow down my list of what I want in a guy from 116 to 10. She said I was setting my standards a little bit high...
I was shocked...especially coming from her. She said 'maybe that is why you have not met anyone'. Little does my mother know that I have met a lot of people in my time...they just haven't met me...

Alright, it made sense to me!!!

Okay, I think that is enough...I am getting just a little to deep for a co-ed blog.

One more thing. I do appologize for the ban on profanity for everyone that is not myself...there have been complaints...a few. From now on, if you so desire...the occasional curse is promitted. But please no f-word! Thanks ever so kindly.

Also another thing on top of the one more thing...Lisa...I love you...thanks for the email. And so everyone knows, if you send me an email please send it to my hotmail account. I NEVER check my yahoo one. They are the same address and what not. Right.

Oh yeah...you should all be leaving comments. I don't write that much cuz I fear that it is not being appreciated to its full potential...but I am finding out that it is...so...uhh...I lost myself yet again. Just comment. Please and thank you.

debt is almost paid...next week is the final week of stress.

quote of the day:
'i don't fear mice...i kill mice. if it is a cobra, thats another issue...i dance with those.'
debi from subway
Aloha